These Texas bills would require that all women's health clinics meet standards that are unreasonable for the procedures performed. The Republican legislators claim that this is for the good of women, so I want to be just as sure that men are protected legally, too.
I see a lot of billboards along the highways advertising erectile dysfunction clinics, vasectomies, vasectomy reversals, and something called a urology clinic. I want to be sure that they have to be safe, too, so I want this bill amended to include all men's health clinics.
A lawmaker in another state has introduced a bill that would require all men wanting a prescription for an erectile dysfunction drug to undergo a stress test and have a note from their wife saying that they are impotent. I think that's a terrific idea, especially since the erectile dysfunction drugs were developed as blood pressure medication, and there's a big risk to our menfolk if they take one of those little pills and then, um, exercise vigorously. I'm not going to use the law to intrude on men's private lives, though, so I wouldn't require the note from their wife before they can fill the prescription. If they pass the stress test, a note from their girlfriend would be just fine. Let's not pry, now. It's not ladylike.
Our children go to dental clinics. We get our old teeth pulled out when we finally have to buy a smile's worth of dentures. What about those clinics? Surely we should pay attention to the health risks our children and old folks face.
Then there are clinics that provide the Botox and nips and tucks that our lawmakers keep thinking we don't notice. What about them? I think any clinic that sticks a hose in someone's beer gut or hind end and sucks out all the fatty bits should be regulated out the wazoo, if you'll pardon the expression.
Friends, being a lawmaker is a huge responsibility. You have to keep the well-being of the entire state in mind. Well, never mind. You have to keep the well-being of your district. Never mind, again. You have to make sure you gerrymander your district to be sure that you can't lose the next election, because you have to keep the people who pay for your campaigns happy, and they don't like losers.
Neither do I, but whether winning at the polls keeps you from being a loser, I won't say. Mama raised me right.
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